Psyduck is My Chronic Migraine Icon

As a kid, I didn’t show any signs that I’d grow up to develop chronic migraines spontaneously. Headaches might happen occasionally, but they were infrequent and brief. I had no concept of what a migraine felt like, or that a headache could last longer than a few hours at most.

As a kid, I also happened to really like Saturday morning cartoons, including Pokémon. Recently, I started rewatching those early Ash, Misty, and Brock episodes on Netflix, and Misty’s attitude towards her Psyduck struck me. She is not patient with the little guy. Growing up, I remember finding this funny. Now, my reaction is a bit more complicated.

A Trip to the Pokemon Resort

This Pisces girl has always loved Water-type Pokemon, but I never really had an affinity for Psyduck. I didn’t find him that cute and was always eager to evolve my round yellow duck to the sleek, blue Golduck. His whole “constant headache” situation was something I knew about but didn’t linger on.

Fast forward to the first time I woke up with a headache that wouldn’t go away for several days, accompanied by a horrible intermittent stabbing shock at the base of my skull. Without warning but with many months of medical testing to rule out other possibilities, I too became plagued with an official diagnosis in the chronic migraine department. Alas, my powerful psychic powers have yet to manifest.

I didn’t immediately realize that this life-altering chronic illness would also shift my relationship with Psyduck. I hadn’t really thought much about the little guy, to tell the truth. But then, I sat down to watch Pokémon Concierge. Without giving too much away, our main character winds up befriending an adorably shy stop-motion Psyduck.

“Hold on just a minute,” I thought when the Water-type poked his head out of the bushes, embarrassed of his headache and the way it might inconvenience those around him. “Am I… Psyduck?”

As I watched him try to avoid inconveniencing his fellow guests at the resort, I saw myself. So often, I’ve tried to hide my symptoms, to put on the brave face of not being in pain when I can barely think straight. I, too, don’t want to get in anyone’s way with my pain. I prefer to hide it in the metaphorical bushes as best I can, or apologize outright for my migraine brain fog if the situation persists.

I never thought I’d see myself in an animated yellow duck, but suddenly, I did.

Psyduck And I Are Both a Little Useless Sometimes, And That’s Okay

And then there I was, watching the Pokémon anime and coming across quite a different portrayal of Psyduck. The one I grew up with, that made me think it wasn’t a very interesting Pokemon.

Misty is downright mean to Psyduck. The little guy struggles to understand things sometimes, and she has no patience for it. Having experienced migraine brain fog, I sympathize with Psyduck. It’s hard to process information when most of your attention is on the pain.

Yes, eventually Misty learns she was wrong about Psyduck. But first, she spends a lot of time telling it that it’s useless.

Misty echoes so much of what I have thought of myself in dark moments. Because I haven’t always been chronically ill, I struggled a lot in the early years of my diagnosis. I’ve always been proud of my productivity, of how much I can get done, and how quickly. Suddenly, I had this thing that could sweep in without warning and completely wipe me out. On the bad pain days, the most I can accomplish is lying on the couch with my migraine headband strapped to my forehead.

In our productivity-centered culture, it’s a hard shift, learning you can’t always check off every item on the to-do list. On my bad migraine days, I have caught myself being the Misty to my inner Psyduck. “Why are you so useless?”

If I can defend poor little Psyduck from this kind of nonsense, I can defend myself from that inner critic, too. Sure, Psyduck might struggle on his pain days, but those Psychic attacks really pack a punch. Psyduck wouldn’t be the powerful little Pokémon it is without its headaches, and I’ll never again know life without mine.

And you know what? Psyduck taught me that that’s okay.

You can also read my thoughts on Pokémon GO turning 8 and how I feel about it.

About the Author

Amanda Kay Oaks

Editor

Amanda Kay Oaks is a writer, book witch, and video game enthusiast based in Latrobe, PA. She writes about books, games, and more from an office packed with crystals and Pokemon plushies. When not engrossed in work or fictional worlds, Amanda can be found in the kitchen, on her yoga mat, or walking her dog, Azula.

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