I Blame Pokémon GO For the Most Awkward Date I’ve Ever Been On

In the summer of 2016, the same year Pokémon GO was released, my life was in a state of massive upheaval. The two-year Americorps contract around which I’d built my post-college life was coming to a close. I’d gotten into grad school (finally), but in another state hours away. I loved the life I’d built, but keeping it wasn’t in the cards.

Come August, my life would look very different. That summer, I needed every form of distraction I could get. And into that summer came the release of Pokémon GO.

From my second-floor, Cincinnati apartment, I could easily walk to a handful of PokeStops. A nearby parklet, a small mural painted on a fire hydrant, those types of things. When I did so, I’d inevitably find other people out and about playing the game.

God, I loved that community feeling. Leaving my front door and knowing I’d have an instant connection with almost anyone I came across on my daily PokéWalks.

Of course, I sought out even more connections through this newfound hobby. I joined Pokémon GO groups online so I could get insider knowledge from other local players. Folks would share the best spots to play locally, rare Pokémon sightings, and fun anecdotes.

It’s in one of these Pokémon GO groups that our story truly begins.

Let’s GO On a PokéDate

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that men will turn absolutely any online space into a dating platform. Naturally, the Pokémon GO group was no exception.

I was young and had recently gotten out of a relationship. I’d been single most of my life, and the idea of meeting my future partner through Pokémon appealed to me. Ideally, we’d both be standing out in the world IRL, trying to catch a then-rare spawn like Dratini, and our eyes would meet.

But I’d take online in a Pokémon GO group at this point. It was better than the dating apps that kept landing me human ghosts. At least this way I could snag some Ghost-types in the process.

I forget exactly how it happened. Maybe I posted in the group seeking someone to go play at Jungle Jim’s. The international grocery store slash tourist destination was a popular place to play due to the sheer number of stops and gyms, and it strikes me as something my 20-ish self wouldn’t have wanted to do alone.

At any rate, a guy in the group reached out via Messenger to ask whether I might be interested in a Pokémon GO date at Jungle Jim’s. Alas, he wanted to go to the second, less popular location. But a quick coffee and an excuse to play Pokémon GO for a while, when it might lead to romance?

Oh boy, was I in. I just didn’t quite know what it was that I was in for.

Catching Coffee But Not Koffing in Pokémon GO

In retrospect, the signs were there. When he suggested we first meet at the Starbucks across the street, I should’ve known we’d never wind up playing the game.

Still, I’d recently begun drinking coffee, so I was in. I walked into Starbucks and immediately recognized the guy from the group, sitting in a chair holding – I kid you not – a stack of index cards.

This guy, who I learned did not drink coffee but would be happy to pay for mine, had brought notecards to the first date. I’m pretty sure I paid for my own coffee out of principle, then sat down for my job interview- I mean date.

For the next half hour, he rapid-fire shot a variety of questions at me. In fairness, he was self-deprecating about his little list of first-date topics. It was kind of sweet, how nervous he was, but it was also… not an organic way to have a conversation.

Rather than use the questions as a springboard into a more natural back-and-forth, he seemed determined to ask every question on the list. And there were a lot of questions.

As we made our way through his list, my fingers itched to throw PokéBalls like I’d been promised. Java Chip Frappuccino in hand, I told this relative stranger how many siblings I had, where I’d grown up, what I studied in college, and all the other fun facts you need to grill a girl about on her first date according to some random online source.

Eventually, he said he needed to go. He had plans with his mom. I looked sadly across the street at the Jungle Jim’s. This Pokémon GO date was nothing but another awkward coffee, and I decided I was going to go over there on my own once I got rid of this guy. No way had I driven half an hour to grab a coffee I could’ve gotten from any number of closer Starbucks.

A Picture Before You GO

I don’t know how to explain the fact that some random woman somewhere probably has a photo of me on her phone. Or did, for a time. Suffice it to say I’m a socially anxious people pleaser and the word “no” has taken some time to figure into my vocabulary.

At any rate, as we left the coffee shop he continued to chat about his plans with his mom. Then, he asked if he could take a photo of me to share with her so she could know all about his hot date.

Was the photo intended as proof he’d trapped a poor real-life woman into a fake Pokémon GO date with him? Did he think this was going to be a cute story for our future children? I honestly have no idea what possessed an adult man to ask a woman if he could share her photo with his mom after a first date.

It was clear that we had different opinions about how the date had gone. I knew it had been a bust and that we wouldn’t see each other again. Heck, I’d gone into the thing being open about the fact that I was moving to Pennsylvania in less than a month and wasn’t looking for anything serious.

Even if I was staying firmly put in Cincinnati, I wasn’t prepared to forgive him for promising me video games and giving me coffee and index card questions.

In spite of all this, I let him take the photo. I didn’t know how to refuse without having a blunt conversation about why that picture didn’t need to go to his mom since this was our first and last interaction.

When he finally left, in possession of both my phone number and a photo of me, I sighed. It wasn’t quite the end of it, I knew, but at least I could finally drive across the street and catch some Pokémon at Jungle Jim’s before responding to that way-too-quick post-first date text.

About the Author

Amanda Kay Oaks

Editor

Amanda Kay Oaks is a writer, book witch, and video game enthusiast based in Latrobe, PA. She writes about books, games, and more from an office packed with crystals and Pokemon plushies. When not engrossed in work or fictional worlds, Amanda can be found in the kitchen, on her yoga mat, or walking her dog, Azula.

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