As a kid, I didn’t show any signs that I’d grow up to develop chronic migraines spontaneously. Headaches might happen occasionally, but they were infrequent and brief. I had no concept of what a migraine felt like, or that a headache could last longer than a few hours at most.

As a kid, I also happened to really like Saturday morning cartoons, including Pokémon. Recently, I started rewatching those early Ash, Misty, and Brock episodes on Netflix, and Misty’s attitude towards her Psyduck struck me. She is not patient with the little guy. Growing up, I remember finding this funny. Now, my reaction is a bit more complicated.

A Trip to the Pokemon Resort

This Pisces girl has always loved Water-type Pokemon, but I never really had an affinity for Psyduck. I didn’t find him that cute and was always eager to evolve my round yellow duck to the sleek, blue Golduck. His whole “constant headache” situation was something I knew about but didn’t linger on.

Fast forward to the first time I woke up with a headache that wouldn’t go away for several days, accompanied by a horrible intermittent stabbing shock at the base of my skull. Without warning but with many months of medical testing to rule out other possibilities, I too became plagued with an official diagnosis in the chronic migraine department. Alas, my powerful psychic powers have yet to manifest.

I didn’t immediately realize that this life-altering chronic illness would also shift my relationship with Psyduck. I hadn’t really thought much about the little guy, to tell the truth. But then, I sat down to watch Pokémon Concierge. Without giving too much away, our main character winds up befriending an adorably shy stop-motion Psyduck.

“Hold on just a minute,” I thought when the Water-type poked his head out of the bushes, embarrassed of his headache and the way it might inconvenience those around him. “Am I… Psyduck?”

As I watched him try to avoid inconveniencing his fellow guests at the resort, I saw myself. So often, I’ve tried to hide my symptoms, to put on the brave face of not being in pain when I can barely think straight. I, too, don’t want to get in anyone’s way with my pain. I prefer to hide it in the metaphorical bushes as best I can, or apologize outright for my migraine brain fog if the situation persists.

I never thought I’d see myself in an animated yellow duck, but suddenly, I did.

Psyduck And I Are Both a Little Useless Sometimes, And That’s Okay

And then there I was, watching the Pokémon anime and coming across quite a different portrayal of Psyduck. The one I grew up with, that made me think it wasn’t a very interesting Pokemon.

Misty is downright mean to Psyduck. The little guy struggles to understand things sometimes, and she has no patience for it. Having experienced migraine brain fog, I sympathize with Psyduck. It’s hard to process information when most of your attention is on the pain.

Yes, eventually Misty learns she was wrong about Psyduck. But first, she spends a lot of time telling it that it’s useless.

Misty echoes so much of what I have thought of myself in dark moments. Because I haven’t always been chronically ill, I struggled a lot in the early years of my diagnosis. I’ve always been proud of my productivity, of how much I can get done, and how quickly. Suddenly, I had this thing that could sweep in without warning and completely wipe me out. On the bad pain days, the most I can accomplish is lying on the couch with my migraine headband strapped to my forehead.

In our productivity-centered culture, it’s a hard shift, learning you can’t always check off every item on the to-do list. On my bad migraine days, I have caught myself being the Misty to my inner Psyduck. “Why are you so useless?”

If I can defend poor little Psyduck from this kind of nonsense, I can defend myself from that inner critic, too. Sure, Psyduck might struggle on his pain days, but those Psychic attacks really pack a punch. Psyduck wouldn’t be the powerful little Pokémon it is without its headaches, and I’ll never again know life without mine.

And you know what? Psyduck taught me that that’s okay.